Doctor: "I’ve got very bad news. You’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s."
Patient: "Well, at least I don’t have cancer"

——————————————————————————–
Wife: Doctor My husband thinks he’s a satellite dish.
Doctor: Don’t worry I can cure him.
Wife: I don’t want him cured I want you to adjust him to get the movie channel.

——————————————————————————–
Bob to X-ray technician after swallowing some money:
"Do you see any change in me?"

——————————————————————————–
Nurse: Doctor, the man you’ve just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?
Doctor: Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!

——————————————————————————–
Did you hear about the Siamese twins?
Everything goes in one ear and out the brother.

——————————————————————————–
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He’s fully recovered.

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• Siavash is very funny and comes out with some witty one liners, however?
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all of my favorite lines from the greatest movie ever

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• Siavash is very funny and comes out with some witty one liners, however?
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• looking for inspirational/sweet/funny quotes or one-liners?

1) Don’t be a sexist, broads hate that

2) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

3) As I said before, I never repeat myself.

4) I want patience… AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

5) Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing

6) Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One.

7) $ex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

9) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

10) Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.

11) For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

12) Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

13) A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

14) Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

15) Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

16) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

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• looking for inspirational/sweet/funny quotes or one-liners?

nothing that u can easily find on the internet, somethin rare or u just made up

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• Siavash is very funny and comes out with some witty one liners, however?
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• looking for inspirational/sweet/funny quotes or one-liners?

Recommended Reading

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• Siavash is very funny and comes out with some witty one liners, however?
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• looking for inspirational/sweet/funny quotes or one-liners?

What are some funny or unique comebacks or on liners?? Or even just some randome saying ….. You know facebook status material

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Hi, How can i be funny. My friend is really quick and funny. Does anyone have and good one liners that can be used when people say day to day stuff ??

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A little fun with one-liners, applied in different contexts.

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A tribute to much-loved Coronation Street actress Maggie Jones. Her character, Blanche, was well known for her put downs and one-liners. Here’s a brief collection of her best ones.

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Hey Sherry, Me and my cousin we’re playing with our wwe wrestling figures, and his one figures leg came off, so I used my figure and kept making corny jokes about it. I don’t think anything is funny about a living thing without a leg, actuley makes me sad.

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