25 rather funny one liners from movies in 2 minutes.

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I Am Not Nostalgia Critic!!! Not Made By Me!!! Full Credit To: www.thatguywiththeglasses.com

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Don’t miss an ALL NEW TWO HOUR Special MythBusters, premiering Wednesday, June 16th at 9PM e/p, only on Discovery. Check out these hilarious outtakes at dsc.discovery.com Eight years in the making, the MythBusters are counting down their top 25 Moments. Coming in at number 7, some of the most memorable one liners.

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I can’t remember the quote exactly and my gf has been bugging the hell outta me for it (though why she cares i’m not sure)
Anyway it started out something like "Where have you been all my life?" and then Jackson, the main character says something hilarious. Except I can’t remember what he said, and that’s what I need to know. Help please.

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FOR MORE APOLLO VISIT liveattheapollo.ucoz.com Series 5 Episode 3 – Absolutely hilarious one-liners, enjoy! (Part 2 of 2)

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Whether it’s a chatroom or an internet forum, it seems like everyone is focused on trying to
crack a witty one-liner and be funny. The hilarious thing is that when I meet these people in
real life they aren’t remotely as funny as how they try to come across on the internet, infact
they’re actually really awkward and boring as hell. They can’t say half of the things they say on the internet and
come across funny. Is everyone really that hungry for attention or is it a desperate need
to be liked? What is it exactly that fuels this most annoying phenomenon?

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Montana Tech football Coach Bob Green’s best moments when the camera was rolling during the 2009 season.

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A little joke, these jokes jumped to my mind when I was playing the Assassin mission. Both the one liners are from the same mission, within 30 minutes of each other… I don’t know who wrote this mission but I have a feeling it’s a CSI: Miami reject.

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First, the show begins as two crazy teenagers are about to engage in sexual activity of some sort. They are usually doing it in a place that they shouldn’t, instantly heightening the viewers excitement level. Then, coming as a COMPLETE shock to the audience, the couple stumbles onto a body. But this body isn’t like most bodies in reality, it’s usually absurdly disgusting, with over-the-top gore effects. The female then screams, proving that that is all that women are good for. Cut to the next day, when the CSI team, including Hoaratio, finally gets there. They exchange comments about the weather and the state of the pornography community. One then makes a remark involving the victims and/or the crime, followed instantly by Horatio’s perfectly timed, not at all clichéd, one-liner. He then leaps out of the frame using his red hair to blind the audience. The rest isn’t really that important, except for the parts where Horatio talks, which is always important and dramatic.

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Having been a huge fan of the first two Mummy films, I was again expecting another thrill ride from Universal as the lights dimmed – but that expectation soon turned to dread as I watched this iconic franchise descend into an absolute mediocre disaster! How Brendan Fraser ever agreed to even appear in this third instalment is beyond me and the slight fact that there are actually no mummies in this film only paves the way for its critical mauling! You see, a Mummy is an ancient Egyptian King buried in a Golden Sarcophagus who has the arguable honour of having his brain wrenched from his skull through his nostrils. He is not a former Chinese Emperor who was turned to dust over a thousand years ago by an immortal Witch! This time round, its China’s turn to host a doomsday Mummy-fest – why not? It’s hosting the Olympics and after all, downtown Shanghai is stereotypical Mummy territory right? Wrong, and director Rob Cohen’s first stab at the Mummy franchise has this word daubed all over the screen in bold, red ink, even more so if you’re a fan of the first two films. Here, the effects still live up but the whole aspect of character development seems to have been swept to the sidelines in favour of appalling jokes and Chinese fireworks. The relationship between Fraser and newcomer, Maria Bello is laughable to say the least and the only time anyone pauses for breath is to shoot or blow something up! The film also suffers badly from inaccuracies. In the second film, archaeologist Rick O’Connell (Fraser) and Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) were married and had an eight-year-old son, Alex. But now, just seven years later, Alex has suddenly become a twenty something-year-old Mummy basher! Also, does any one else find the inclusion of Mountain Yetis, or Abominable Snowmen in a Mummy film simply hilarious??? Both Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh are indeed welcome additions to the franchise and thank God they’re here – at least Yeoh’s character is believable and her brilliantly choreographed final battle with Li is visually stunning. Yeoh is also immortal in the film, well, any woman who has a two thousand-year-old daughter who looks about ten would have to be, unless the Chinese know something about Plastic Surgery us Westerners don’t. Whoever cast American actress Maria Bello for the role of Evelyn O’Connell, the posh, sexy, kick-*** British Egyptologist, formerly played by Rachel Weisz, should be shot! I found it remarkable that Hollywood had the cheek to replace Weisz, a fantastic actress who was a thrill from start to finish in the first two films. No doubt Bello is convincing when playing the right parts, but here, she just doesn’t seem to find her comfort zone in Weisz’s shoes, sporting an absolutely diabolic British accent which at times sound like a cross between Australian and Irish. Perhaps Bello’s slick dagger twirling and shooting skills are enough to make the audience not wish to see her get eaten by the Yetis and her revealing night gowns certainly add a sense of brief eye candy for male audience members. But Weisz’s absence is still severely felt…and missed. The film is hit with yet more bullet wounds in the form of its awful "humour" and desperately unfunny one liners, all of which sink like lead balloons. Take Evelyn’s brother, Johnathan (John Hannah), who to be fair was hilarious in the first two films but here, tries to squeeze every last drop out of his disastrous dialogue by pulling strange faces and constantly flapping his arms. I mean, one has to wonder whether the Screenwriters have any wit or originality at all when a huge hairy beast, who is bizarrely one of the passengers in a rickety aeroplane which almost crash lands into the Himalayas, vomits all over Hannah and the audience gets rewarded with the line ‘the yak yakked’. Save us!

Its not all bad news for Mummy 3, however. The Special Effects are at times, breathtaking and the spectacular, firework-laden chariot chase through the streets of Shanghai is certainly a highlight. Some of the Himalayan wide shots are stunning, presuming they’re not all CGI and for part of the film, the O’Connell’s transport is a ramshackle plane who’s Pilot is Irish and addicted to alcohol – what a surprise! But one is left feeling deflated and frustrated at the end of the film. After yet another, computer-generated battle sequence, which is by far the poorest of the last decade, we cut straight back to downtown Shanghai! As if the whole battle sequence was just a dream. No results, no conclusions, no characters going their separate ways. Its sad the film suffers this way because its not the fault of the actors (well, perhaps Bello), or even the director – it’s the Screenwriters and Editors who are to blame here and no one else. I heard the reason Rachel Weisz chose not to reprise her role as Evelyn was due to ‘problems with the Script’. That is the biggest understatement anybody could give this film and even if Weisz was in it, I don’t think she could have saved it. A disappointing; overblown and at times, simply ridiculous end to what was once quite an exciting franchise!

D

Does anyone else agree?

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