looking for inspirational/sweet/funny quotes or one-liners?
i wasnt sure what category this would come under lol but anything would be great! thanks guys 
xx
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Filed under: Funny One Liners
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Hope you like these:
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
Half haste helps, but whole haste hinders.
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
I’ve been waiting so long to see the doctor, I think I recovered.
Skydivers are good to the last drop.
My house is so dirty the dust bunnies have turned into fuzzy buffalos.
I like work – it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Don’t give up; Moses was once a basket-case.
A guy goes into a second-hand shop to buy one for his watch.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
An eye for an eye would lead to a country full of blind people — Ghandi
I have so many favorites…here are just a few:
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." – Herm Albright
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." – Oscar Wilde
"What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." – Eleanor Powell
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that gives value to survival." – C.S. Lewis
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." – Mark Twain
Theres a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I dont know, and a little emotion behind every I don’t care.
[the ones ending in ; are lyrics from songs]
-it’s hard to know you’ll never remember the things I’ll never forget.
-Smile big for everyone, even when you know what they’ve done.
-I’m not a perfect person. there’s many things I wish I didn’t do, But I continue learning;
-I look around at what everyone has And I forget about all I’ve got;
-I forgive, but I never forget.
-a day without smiling is a day wasted.
-Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
-the only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.
-Life’s not about the people who act true to your face. It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.
-live for the moments you can’t put into words.
-sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.
-You better know that in the end, It’s better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again;
-i’m the kind of girl who doesn’t say much, but when i do, it means a lot.