funniest one liners Archives

Egypt, translate, " Funny Quote "?

So, What’s the funniest Quote said by Ur English teacher ???

I once had an English teacher who was insisting to Spell " What, Where, Who … etc" Like this " Awhat …. Awhere … awhoo "

It’s very funny when U hear it
Unfortunately, Egypt has lack of good English Teachers
Ok, I Heart A chemistry teacher pronounces (chemistry) like this "5emshtry"

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Funniest Joke in the world?

Whats the funniest joke you’ve ever heard?

One of my favorites is:

A blind man goes into a bar and orders a drink. He sits on a bar stool for a few minutes then says to the woman behind the bar; "Here, I’ve got a great blonde joke I want to tell you…"
"Hold it," says the woman behind the bar, "before you say anything I should let you know that I’m 6’3", 250lbs, in my spare time I wrestle crocodiles, and I’ve been known to have a short temper, and I’m blonde. The woman sat on the stool to your left
is a retired hammer thrower, her nickname is ‘ox’, and she blonde. The woman sat on your right is the national female kick boxing champion, and she’s in a bad mood today. She’s blonde too. Now that you know that, do you still want to tell your joke?"
He takes a huge mouthful of beer, then replies; "No, I don’t think so. I don’t want to have to explain it three time."

Give me a star if you liked that joke!

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Why did he run off right away to tell his friends?

Long story short:

I used a pick up line on a guy I saw for the first time at our high school "Senior Breakfast" activity. We’re both seniors in high school who were about to graduate on that day of the Senior Breakfast.

the pick up line: "hey i need some help.. could you help me? i lost my phone number can i have yours?"

he looked at me, gave it to me anyway, and ran off.

I really thought he looked like a pretty cool, decent guy, but the next thing I know I find his friends (who are girls) making fun of me. =.=

So.. what’s your take on why he ran off right away to tell his friends?

Was it really my pick up line that was funny? Was it the fact that he was asked was funny? Is he immature… Is he just scared….

please answer, I will choose a best answer within a day. Thanks!

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Best/Worst Pickup Line?

What’s the "cheesiest pickup line" you’ve heard/used, and what’s the "best pick up line"?

This should be funny!
Best one wins!
:)

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Rookie Comedian?

Hey, I wanna be a Comedian and although I believe I can write short jokes for Stand Up I think i would be better at sketch, telvision comedy

My question is when I write short jokes and compare them to say our present British (Irish) Master of comedy…Jimmy Carr…my short jokes are or could be funny but are weaker than his….My question is am I just not as funny or am I capable of creating better jokes and if so how? I’m only eighteen so this is wanna my short jokes

"My mothers is disabled. The saddest news came when I found out I was her carer"

"When I was young I had a Gerbil, Hamster and three goldfish…..they all died…………I’m a Vet Now"

"When i was young I had terrible acne. Still (push my arm as if it’s worth somethin) I had my inner beauty"

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Ok so i’m a 14 year old in grade 8 and i’m 5′ 1" and the people i go to school with are all quite tall. My "friends" (girls and boys) will "joke" around with me about it like "why are you so short" "are you ever gonna grow" "jeeze you’re short" and other ones that really make me feel bad. FYI My shortest friend is 5′ 6"…. I will try to defend my self and they FREAK out saying were just kidding, take a joke. (to me this isn’t funny) And if i ignore it it just keeps coming :( . I know my height is something i cant control and i’m not gonna lie it bother me but i try to make the best of it and i’m really concerned that the teasing it gonna get worse in High School.
What can i say back to them? (without sounding like i’m really pissed)
Is 5′ 1" really that short? (PLEASE TELL ME THE TRUTH I CAN HANDLE IT)
Why do people do this?
Do guys like Short or Tall girls ( AGAIN Truth PLEASE)
Anyway Thanks in advanced :)
xox
P.S if ur gonna say get new friends, don’t cause my school is SUPER small so its kinda not possible lol

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and i have made a deal with women that they suggest which pick-up line they’d fall for…….
it usually takes me 10 pick-up lines but they always start laughing and say I am a funny guy.

I should get bonus points for using 10 pick up lines rather than my mates who use the standard pick-up line…….. "Hello"

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My husband and I went to watch the Yoshimoto sinkigeki to Osaka,Nanba by Kintetsu Limited Express Train "Urban Liner".
It takes about 2 hours to Nanba station from Kintetsu Nagoya station by the train.It’s just good time for our one day trip.

When we arraived at the Nanba Grand Kagetsu theater, I bought two tickets at first. After that we ate tasty Udon at a small restaurant near the theater. Not only Udon, but also we ate Takoyaki.

We enjoyed some comedian and comedienne and juggler from Russia, he was so excellent with one ~five footballs. And we enjoyed Shoufukutei Nikaku and Rakugo as long time no see.
There was the Shinkigeki after that,but unfortunately I got to sleep as not patient because I had awake in this early morning. When the comedy finished as I waked up,and my husband said that it was so nice, funny but you almost had been sleeping during the comedy. I have insomnia these days due to too hot summer night.

We had Kushikatu lunch and drinking some beer by his strongly reference. Kushikatu with the original sauce,especially the sauce was very gooood! There are many tasty foods in Osaka. And drinking during a daytime was so fantastic.

We walked and see around there in rainy weather untill twilight . We left Osaka at 18:00 by the Urban Liner to be back to Nagoya with two beer cans and refreshments and 551"Hourai"s Butaman as a souvenir for my kids.

We spent about 30000JPY a day.

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