Your Online Source For Hilarious One Liners, Funny One Liners, One Liners, Jokes
I’m looking for funny one liners describing "Absent minded" or "way off base" or "Not all there…"
For example:
He’s a couple cards short of a deck…
She’s a couple eggs short of a dozen…
Any and all contributions would be helpful.
Peace.
Y’all crack me up… I hope there will be a few more before I have to pick! LOL!
Song from Murs 3:16 (9th edition) Label: Definitive Jux Lyrics [chopped samples repeating throughout the song] The rain – rain – (rain) – on my face In the rain – rain – to hide my pain – on my.. Hey I like to go out in the rain – rain – (rain) On my face – in the rain – rain – to hide my pain – on my.. Hey I like to go out in the.. See I’m a single black male, dark hair, dark eyes Long walks through a park and a lot of them lives I’m a little bit shaded by a lot of what I see So if you’re still interested you should come get at me Cause I’m tired of getting shot down, put down and dissed I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed But things like these don’t happen to dudes like me Because I’m more Coldplay than I am Ice-T They say that good girls love bad guys and that might be But a bad girl with a good guy, that’s unlikely So what’s a man to do to get to hold hands with you? Do I talk shit and stand and look hard with my crew? I don’t know what to do, so I drown in my drink It helps to numb the pain, cause when I sit and think about it Eyes get clouded, thoughts get crowded (thoughts get clouded) So I’ma sit right here, wait for you to talk about it In the.. c’mon Said she had a boyfriend, just trying to be nice But I’ve heard the same lines from different women all night Too easy let down, but don’t let it get you down Shit, that’s what my boys told me, but end of the night I was still sitting lonely, if only I could find ‘em Without all the drama, without the one …
Stewart Francis – One liners (Just for laughs) Stewart Francis is a Canadian stand-up comedian, actor and writer.
My Science Project is one of the greatest movies to come out of the 1980′s. Fisher Stevens Plays Vince Latello. How he wasnt made into a spin off movie about his character I am not sure. This is Vince Latello’s opening scene in the movie and it sets us up for the hilarious one liners to follow.
The rain – rain – rain – on my face
In the rain – rain – to hide my pain – on my..
Hey I like to go out in the rain – rain – rain
On my face – in the rain – rain – to hide my pain – on my..
Hey I like to go out in the..
See I’m a single black male, dark hair, dark eyes
Long walks through a park and a lot of them lives
I’m a little bit shaded by a lot of what I see
So if you’re still interested you should come get at me
Cause I’m tired of getting shot down, put down and dissed
I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed
But things like these don’t happen to dudes like me
Because I’m more Coldplay than I am Ice-T
They say that good girls love bad guys and that might be
But a bad girl with a good guy, that’s unlikely
So what’s a man to do to get to hold hands with you?
Do I talk **** and stand and look hard with my crew?
I don’t know what to do, so I drown in my drink
It helps to numb the pain, cause when I sit and think about it
Eyes get clouded, thoughts get crowded (thoughts get clouded)
So I’ma sit right here, wait for you to talk about it
In the.. c’mon
Said she had a boyfriend, just trying to be nice
But I’ve heard the same lines from different women all night
Too easy let down, but don’t let it get you down
****, that’s what my boys told me, but end of the night
I was still sitting lonely, if only I could find ‘em
Without all the drama, without the one-liners
Excuse me miss, hey mam, you got a man, what’s ya name?
I’m in my mid-twenties so enough with the games
Simply put I think you’re stunning, and what about some kids?
A couple dogs, a couple cars, a four bedroom crib?
Look, I’m not trying to jib, I’m just speaking from the heart
But we can start with a drink if you wanna play it smart
She looking at my boy who got two kids at home and
I know how it goes, here’s his number telephone and
He does the girl’s turf, and I know you’re smelling on him
But every ***** needs a dog, so I guess that’s why you want him
I try to be settle, but even flirting got me shooked
I would never get a smile, all I got was dirty looks
And my self-esteem is low enough, I got teased growing up
And what I do, I beat ‘em up, but that only made me tough
It didn’t get me girls, or notes in class
Same girls who used to tell, when I would pinch their ***
But if another boy did it, then they would get gritty
So I pretended the handball was their face when I hit it
And I admit it’s part the reason why I’m do em like I do
And women in my life, there has only been two
My mother being one, and the other one is done
So my philosophy on dating is; ain’t no fun
Cause they come and they go, and even if they don’t ***
They still have to go, girl I give the best head
But you just wouldn’t know, cause you stuck up in some diddy
But even if you dissed me, I ain’t mad
Go on do that yo with yo pretty as..
You looked better coming..
No wait, you looked better going than you did coming
Her *** is amazing. High five for Jesus
Keep making ‘em like that
Just make ‘em with half a brain so maybe they’ll talk to me
I stumbled on a question that suggested that men should use violence against women to "keep them in line," and even tried to use the Bible to support his misogynistic position. Not only does this suggest that women deserve to be beaten, but that men are brutes who should use violence against half the human race.
None of the so-called "equalists" bothered to step in and say "That’s wrong," but one self-described anti-feminist defended this hateful post by suggesting that it was "just a joke," and that -some- women deserve to be beaten and violated. This same person has labeled others as angry and hateful. So, apparently, on men are capable of making jokes that should be taken as such. If a woman makes a joke about, say, someone’s penis size, she is angry and immature. A man who talks about how men should beat women to keep them in line is "joking."
Why are these double standards tolerated here? Why is misogyny "funny," but comments that are directed toward one person is misandry against all men?
The answer that I’m referring to is the 11th down the page.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiSSfbeQcxoj0naaG.ypnXfsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090424074424AAphMoj
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=At8MM5dsDC9U.6M_zNjd.vrsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090424082429AAVPsK4
Blah-Because it wasn’t up when I posted this? Obviously, it posted after I made this post, right? At least, that -should- be obvious.
Anyway, my point was about defending misogyny as a "joke," whereas comments that are directed at individuals are construed as "misandry," I guess you missed it.
Oh, and ______, I know you’re really desperate to finally get laid and all, but your charming attempt at wooing me just isn’t going to work. Sorry : (
Ep 1 – 2
Lee Mack and Jimmy Carr have been ripping into David all show and he loses it! On BBC – I dont own any of this video.
"Life sucks, and then you die." (from Breaking Dawn)
I don’t know why, but I laughed so hard when I read that! Did anyone else find it unusually funny?
This isn’t a stupid Twilight question!!! And by the way, I don’t even like the Twilight books. They are really annoying, the only reason I read them is because of Jacob.
How many stupid, pointless Twilight answers do I have to put up with in one day?
I’m sending some cookies to a bunch of Army guys/gals. I want to put funny one liner threat (nothing horrid) in each bag of cookies. Got any good ideas? This is what I’ve got so far:
if you don’t like them you’ll choke and die.
Got milk?
C is for cookie, it’s good enough for me. Yum yum yum yum. (those of you who know cookie monster should know what this last one was about).
These soldiers are just taking classes. Some have seen action, some haven’t. Point is, they’re at a school where it gets pretty stressful and pretty boring. Something funny and upbeat would be recommended.
